The Work Charlie’s Been Doing

  • I have explored a variety of somatic tools and healing practices to support this learning. This has helped me come to a fuller understanding of the ways in which my trauma history created trigger reactions that I hadn’t known were present in my system. I have also been examining the ways in which my privilege shaped the ways in which I acted when I was triggered.
  • I have regular supervision sessions with one of my teachers in order to get feedback and support for my coaching work. My supervisor has trained and oversees many coaches, and offers valuable perspective and tools to help me better serve my clients. My sessions with my supervisor have helped me unpack some of my patterns and identify ways in which they can affect my coaching work. Our sessions have also explored additional somatic practices to support my nervous system self-regulation.
  • The ways in which I have taken my emotional patterns and triggers out on other people, especially within sexual interactions.
  • How my attachment style, the Drama Triangle, and my character patterns play out for me, and ways to build better tools for self-regulation.
  • My habits and patterns around setting and hearing boundaries, and the impact that has on my behavior.
  • Some of the ways in which my social privilege as a mostly-cisgender, white man and my professional privilege influence how I take my triggers out on other people.
  • How my privilege has allowed me to take my trigger reactions out on other people, and makes it easy for me to not see when I’m doing that.
  • In January 2018, I stepped back from teaching, traveling, social media, and from my sexual relationships, other than my primary partner.
  • In October 2018, I returned to social media.
  • Other than speaking at the 2018 and 2019 conferences of the American Association of Sexuality Educators, Counselors, and Therapists, I have not taught any workshops or classes.
  • From January-March 2018, I worked with two consultants to explore what an accountability process might look like and what skills and perspectives I would need an accountability pod to hold. I recruited my pod during June-August 2018.
  • The pod first meeting was in October 2018, and we met for a total of nine meetings between then and June 2019. I also had smaller meetings with one or two pod members to focus on specific topics.
  • In March 2019, one of my pod members conducted a content review of my blog posts from 2014–2019. We made some edits on some posts to reflect my growing understanding of consent, safety, and abuse. I also wrote a new post to reflect my updated perspective on a topic that I’d written about in December 2015.
  • In April-May 2019, with my pod’s feedback and support, I developed a consent policy for my coaching, teaching, and other professional contexts. This policy has been posted on my website, as well as on Medium.
  • With my pod’s support, I have written a first draft of a consent policy for personal interactions. However, I am waiting to finalize it until my accountability process is further along. My pod and I will complete this personal consent policy before I engage in any sexual connections with new partners.

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