May 2020 Pod Update, Part 1

A Table of Contents for all posts by Charlie’s pod, including the dates each article was published and a brief description of the contents of each post, can be found here

A lot has happened in the world since our last update in December. All of the pod members, our pod consultant, as well as Charlie, have been actively engaged in ongoing work. As this post’s draft was being reviewed, we came to the conclusion that in order to be transparent and responsible with the content it would include, as well as post something soon, this update would need to be broken up into two parts.

This update, presented as Part I, will include metrics of the work we have been doing, an update about the reporting process, and the health of the team.

Part II will be about the work Charlie has been doing, how we are holding him accountable, and the next steps in the process. As always, we welcome any comments, and are happy to clarify or answer any questions you may have about the process.

Meetings and themes:

We have had total of 25 meetings and/or interactions:

• 10 conversations, support calls and/or wellness checks between pod members and those who reported harm.
• 5 meetings with all pod members, consultant, and Charlie present to discuss overall progress and delve into more detailed work, one of which was a circle to reflect on the human aspects of the process
• 1 meeting where pod members and consultants (without Charlie) discussed the the mechanics of our work, patterns we have seen and ways to draw Charlie into deeper understanding and ensuing action, evolving themes of our work as well as an overview of the work we will be doing in the long term
• 4 meetings between pod members and Charlie (in groups of 2 or 3) included the following themes and topics:

Processing the preliminary report of harms

Processing the timeline AV Flox created

Discussing Charlie’s thinking around his personal understanding of the concept of collusion and deflection

Thinking about individuals and organizations that colluded in the harm that he caused

Understanding the ways his harms have impacted individuals and communities

• 5 meetings between pod members (without Charlie, in groups of 2) to work on processing reports of harm, preparing for future work, and reorganizing the process and roles within.

Report Collection:

Rachel and Bee, who compose the report collection team, as well as other pod members who were requested to be the stewards of some narratives, have been communicating privately with some who have reported harm, as well as those named in the narratives but not personally reporting.

This has been to ensure their reports are being handled appropriately, to honor each person’s needs and boundaries. They have been in one-on-one communication with those who have requested it.

During this process, we have been centering and supporting those who have reported harm in the following ways:

• Being in communication, holding space and offering support as desired or requested
• Sending advance warning about any public updates
• Consulting them when their narratives were being shared with the rest of the pod, consultant, or Charlie to find out if they had additional needs or asks to restore a sense of agency
• Checking in on their well being in general, especially through the holidays

Through the fall, Rachel and Bee compiled the formal reports that came in through the google form, and analyzed these narratives to create an overview, and more complete understanding, of Charlie’s patterns of harm.

They met with Charlie in October and November to talk through the summary report, asking him about specific patterns and invited him to engage in the following ways:

• Make a note of any places where Charlie felt defensive impulses in regards to what he was hearing or reading in the narrative summary report
• Highlight any places where clarification, or context, might be useful
• Analyze themes related to accountability and/or repair work
• Identify ways in which Charlie is actively improving his own awareness around professional and interpersonal power dynamics influenced by gender, reputation, status and influence within the sex-positive field

In January, Rachel, Bee, and Charlie began to go through the narratives which were requested to be shared unedited with Charlie. This work has been very meaningful, as well as emotionally taxing for Bee and Rachel. There have been times during this work when they needed to take a break from the process. Rachel and Bee found they needed time to work through their own personal reactions to the reports and the harm that was done before moving forward.

In processing these narratives, Charlie has been addressing themes of:

• Collusion from the community
• Leadership and power
• Making excuses for harmful actions
• Addressing harmful patterns of gaslighting, false target maneuvers and emotional manipulation
• The impact of his actions within a larger context (blacklists, etc.)

We have not completed the process of sharing all these narratives with Charlie. In the coming months, we will be addressing specific reports from those who experienced harm and have asked to be shared with Charlie individually. These reports may or may not be shared with the public. Sharing of the narratives, in both content and timing, is dependent upon the needs and desires of those who experienced harm as they are being centered in this part of the process.

Health of the Team:

The entire team took a several week hiatus from active work mid-December through the first week of 2020. Work resumed primarily with Bee, Rachel and Charlie meeting about narratives and reports. Charlie shared some insights he had gained about his activation and responses while processing the narrative summary and reports.

A talking circle was held in late January (originally scheduled for November, but moved due to pod-member needs and scheduling conflicts) to open dialogue about our work together and the impact it was having on us as individuals and as a whole. The circle, led by Aida, created a time and space for us to focus on interconnectedness, empathetic listening, and storytelling. The structure of a talking circle was, in part, specifically chosen to humanize each person in front of Charlie and ensure that each would get an opportunity to speak without interruptions, questions, or distractions. This was critical to set the stage so the team could bring up some of the harder issues that had emerged through the process, namely overwhelm, a feeling of focus shifting/getting lost, and calling Charlie on reproducing harmful patterns with the team itself.

Taking a step back from the usual “business” meeting and engaging in a circle brought the team closer together. It gave us an opportunity to be vulnerable with each other in ways that we previously had not been. Several folks noted that the topics covered, such as shame and trust, made them feel more “seen”. The experience gave them a sense of security and support from the pod they needed to hold Charlie accountable in a deeper way and ask harder questions. Through the process, we were able to identify the need to pivot and reassess the next stages of the work; opening us up to the idea of experimenting with new ways of operating. The circle honored the vital community building aspect of this accountability work. It put into practice the idea that “progress moves at the speed of trust, trust moves at the speed of relationship.”

Since the circle, we have been collaborating to reassess the work ahead, identify areas in which individual pod members need support or different ways of communicating, and re-assign specific roles to pod members as things have shifted from the initial assignments.

We have continued our work during the pandemic, giving support and space to those who need it, when they need it. This pandemic has created a collective trauma around grief and loss that the entire world is experiencing. We have been actively discussing how to be sensitive during this time of uncertainty to the needs of all involved in this accountability process. The pandemic has impacted our outward reporting timeline and our interactions with those who have experienced harm. We are making adjustments according to individual needs.